Twelve Ways to Prepare Your Children for Times of Doubt

Thanks to Michael Patton at Credo House for these excellent tips:

Twelve Ways to Prepare Your Children for Times of Doubt

1. Let them know that it is not abnormal to experience doubt. This does not mean that your children will experience significant doubt, it just means that doubt is a common issue they will experience in varying degrees in a fallen world. Typically struggles with doubt do not start until one reaches adulthood as your children begin stand on their own two feet in many ways, including in their faith walk. But if you have helped them to understand that doubt is something that is common to all Christians, they won’t be scared to share their struggles when they arise later in life.

2. Share with them some of the doubts that you struggle with. Of course, this is assuming that you are continually bringing them up in the faith, showing them the strength of your faith as well. However, from time to time you should feel the freedom to let them see you in a wrestling match with God. This lets them know that you are real, especially when they get older and are more reflective. Showing them your doubts may create a sense of embarrassment, but this will go miles in demonstrating that your faith is not shallow but full of thoughtfulness. Sharing your doubts, here and there, legitimizes the faith that you do have so that they will be less tempted to think you are naive when they are older.

3. Help them prioritizes their faith now. Make sure that they don’t believe that all issues are equal. Help them see the difference between negotiables and non-negotiables, essentials and non-essentials, cardinal and non-carindal issues. This distinction between doctrine and dogma prevents a “house of cards” mentality where if one issues is questioned or rejected (i.e. creationism, inerrancy, premillenialism, Calvinism, etc.), this does not mean the entire faith comes tumbling down.

4. Facilitate a love of Christian heroes. With all the exposure to cultural heroes (actors, musicians, models, etc.) that is typical today, it is important that your children see the characteristics of godliness exemplified in real life Christian. This should come from sources inside and outside the Bible. Seeing the heroism of Perpetua and her servant in their martyrdom is very difficult to read through (and may be “R” rated), but your children need to see people who actually lived out their faith with the same resources available to them. Reading about Augustine’s life of sin before he was converted may be something you think you need to cover your children’s ears about, but your children will remember the common struggle with sin when they are older and not feel so alone (which is the most fearful thing when one is doubting).

5. Allow for a great deal of mystery. We live in a western world and we love systematic theology. We want all the I’s dotted and the T’s crossed. But often when we have every answers to all our children’s questions, we fail to instill in them a respect for the ineffibility of God. He is beyond figuring out. So much of his nature and his ways are a mystery to us. From “Why did God create the dinosaurs?” to “Why does God allow Satan to have so much power?” these questions need to be left unanswered (at least dogmatically). Allowing for and rejoicing in the mystery of God will help your children, giving them the freedom to worship in mystery and truth.

6. Instigate the difficult questions. Many times we attempt to protect our children from hard issues that we think may cause them to doubt their faith. However, this is not wise. In fact, parents should be the first ones who bring up difficult issues, working through them with their children. “Why do you think God would take Spot away when he knows how much you loved him?” “It has been so long since Jesus rose from the dead, I don’t think he is coming back. What do you think?” Of course, you are guiding them to talk through things that they may not otherwise have brough up in such a way. If you push them on these things, they will be better prepared to hold on to their faith when their professor in college asks the some questions with ill-intent.

7. Make sure that they know the heritage of their faith through church history. We all need to know that the anchor of our faith goes deeper than mom and dad. Again, times of doubt are intensified because we feel alone. However, these feelings of aloneness can also create doubt. By cultivating knowledge of church history, it will help your kids connect the dots of their trust to the beginning making the picture of their faith much more clear when times of confusion surface.

8. Continually teach your children an apologetic defense of the faith. It is never too early to start your kids in apologetics. The most important doctrines of our faith are the most simple to defend. Your kids should know about all the arguments for the existence of God, the resurrection of Christ, and the reliability of the Scripture. Most of the time this can be done by the parent role-playing the antagonist and letting your children come up with the answers. I remember one time when I asked Katelynn, my oldest, after she forgot her pencil that she needed for school, why God, who is so powerful, allowed her to forget something so important. I told her, “I don’t think he exists” since he did not make her pencil miraculously appear in her bag after she prayed for it to. She responded, “Dad, that is dumb. If there was no God, there would not be a pencil to begin with.” Simple, right, and profound.

9. Take your child on a missions trip. Kids in the U.S. have a strong sense of entitlement, believing that they must have whatever their friends have (and more!) or they are suffering abuse. This creates the inability for them to see the blessings that they have in their lives due to the imbalanced point of reference that they deal with every day (i.e. their friend, neighbors, and the people they see on TV). Taking your child on a missions trip early (say, around 12), reorients their perspective and gives them a good dose of reality.

10. Give them a chance not to believe. I remember hearing Billy Graham talk about a conversation he had with his son Franklin when he very young. He said, “Frank, your mother and I have decided to follow Jesus. We hope one day you will do the same thing.” And he left it at that. You children need to know that they are free not to follow your same path so that they take ownership of their own beliefs, not feeling forced or tricked into believing the way you do. This disarming approach is very important for the future reality of their faith.

11. Prepare them for suffering. There is nothing that causes people to lose faith more than unexpected or “meaningless” suffering. This is where good theology is the most important. When your children get older, they will surely suffer a great deal in one way or another. If they percieve that their suffering is something that was not supposed to happen, if they believe it is not God’s will for people to suffer, they will be very confused later in life, not knowing how to square what they are supposed to believe with their life experience. But if we have taught our children well, giving them a strong biblical theology of suffering (i.e. we are in a fallen world and they should expect pain and difficulty), then disillusionment will not be a source for doubt.

12. Teach them to take care of their bodies. Many times doubt is brought about or intensified due to poor physical health. Your children need to know how vital the connection is between the spirit and the body. When one suffers, so does the other. A good eating and exercise routine will do much to prevent this type of doubt—which may be the most unnecessary of all sources of doubt (and depression).